For the longest time I never thought I was deserving of love.
To be honest, for the longest time I never loved myself.
Living with mental illness meant for turbulent days, rollercoasters of emotions and little time to really enjoy the best parts of myself, let alone share them with someone else.
Depression and self loathing left little space to love another.
There was always a barrier to the raw, vulnerable, whole hearted side of me.
In the end it took getting to know myself before I was ready to let anyone in.
When I was comfortable in my recovery journey and felt like I understood myself more, loved myself more, that’s when everything changed.
I went on a couple of dates and although we had a great time (and actually still have them as Facebook friends haha), there was no ‘big click’.
That was until I met Steve.
We initially met on Bumble, where we were quickly chatting and getting to know one another, BUT I soon realized that I wasnt quite there yet. I still had some work to do on myself.
We chatted on the app for a while, but never pulled the trigger to meet in person and I eventually deleted my profile in a bid to focus on me.
Fast forward 6 months later and I was in a much better place. I was confident, comfortable and hopeful. I had finally found love within myself and I couldn’t have been happier.
Maybe it’s time to put myself out there?
Maybe it’s time to love & be loved?
This time I joined Tinder and one of the first matches was that lovely fella I had a previous connection with – what are the odds!
We just HAD to go on a date and see what happened.
And here we are, two and a half years later with plans to be married in 2022.
Our relationship has evolved into something I could never have imagined. We have went from chatting and getting to know each other, to planning our future and sharing our dreams.
I never grew up looking for love or dreaming of getting married, but when I finally learned to love myself, it all came together like magic.
One thing I will hold on to, is that we are all deserving of love.
No matter how big a struggle yesterday was or how sad today feels, there is love out there in the universe waiting for you – just let it in ❤️
