Having the option to fail is sometimes seen as privilege more than an option. More than likely because when we think of failure, we associate it with financial or material things.The things that are essential to living safely are things like; having a roof over your head, food in your belly and kindness in your soul. Though from those three examples, two of those things require money, so you can see why the automatic notion is linking failure and loss together.
Although we can all relate to that, on a large scale we all have to work to be able to live and thrive. Looking closer at the doubts and failures that are more tailored towards us as individuals, the subjects and situations may vary the ultimate feeling, emotion, stuff that as human beings connect us, actually make failure a much more relatable fear than we all care to admit.
Truth be told, I’ve never been one to worry about hearing the word No and associating it with failure. In terms of thoughts of failure and doubts, I have a tendency to snowball my thinking into over-thinking. Which in all fairness is something we all are probably guilty of doing and where the main problem lies.
I tend to imagine the worst of each situation or challenge, in recent years anyway. I think that has something to do with going through health trauma and being at home. I have the time to overthink. I can’t remember being so anxious when it comes to certain situations. I think this is maybe just due to knowing that I’m not the same person inside or out anymore. So I’m much more wary, much more scared of what I know can happen.
I worked hard after leaving school, I was in quite a good career. I had a great social life and romantic life. I travelled and was active. Then in the space of weeks in was all taken from me when I became ill, then ultimately disabled. I would hate to try again with all my might and then lose it all, especially considering the extra strength it takes to come back from an illness that you don’t get over.
I decided that you can’t overcome the thoughts of failure, in the same way you can’t overcome the thoughts of success. If we are willing to dream, we surely must be willing try. I find it best to ride the thoughts, and play devil’s advocate with yourself. Question your own thoughts, “but why would I fail?” rather than “you going to fail, bitch!”.
My thoughts (although convincing) are not facts. The only thing you can fully control are your own actions and behaviours. If you have done all you can or there is nothing you can input, then you cannot control the outcome. So, focus of what you can control the outcome of and implement the changes you need and want in your life.
Failure and doubt are much as part of life as happiness and success, so there is always a balance. Which is a thing that makes me feel comfort in the natural world – there is a fine balance. It makes me feel better about taking the bad, knowing the good will come and thinking about the good that has been.
