Lots of us have been there, and some of us may even currently be there right now. What I am talking about is feeling your most low and not knowing if It will ever go away. I sit here now and think back to my lowest point. It was around 2-3 years ago, and I had a couple of situations happen at the same time, which combined, hit me like a train.
I had a few dates with a girl and it had gone well, but one evening she whatsapped me saying that she only saw me as a friend, and that we should not meet again. The next day though, she messaged me to say that she wanted to keep in contact and was very confused why I was upset. I messaged her to say that I cannot do that, and we went our separate ways. However, I was left doubting myself again, something I had done time and time again.
My mind was racing and I just thought, maybe I am too nice, maybe I am not that good looking, maybe I am not interesting enough. Lots of self-doubt arose and I felt very down. It got worse when one of my best friends stopped talking to me after 4-5 years of friendship. She was someone that I spoke to about everything and suddenly she was gone. Things with her had been a little tense (mostly my fault) and I felt like I had failed again.
It was the only time I really did feel, what is the point, why am I here? and why would the world care if I weren’t here anymore? There were many times when I would go down to the shed at the bottom of my garden and just sit there, thinking just go Simon, nobody likes you and your friend leaving you proves that.
So, what got me through? Well it is a continuous effort for me, but gradually things did get better. I threw myself into running even more and for that 30minutes or more, I forgot about it all. My family and close friends also got me through, I found that some people do care about me and I care about them. Music is another major love for me, so I went to more gigs than I did before to kept myself distracted.
I still think about my friend and I hope she is living a good life. I hope that maybe one day she will get in touch again, but if she does not, all I hope is that she is having an amazing life.
I have learnt that my happiness comes first, and I must keep going and pushing on. I am ok with things going bad in my life, as I just need to learn how to adapt to it.